Tweens & Dealing with the In Be "Tween" Years

As a parent of twin tweens, here are some things that I have noticed. These are my own thoughts, and I welcome your input. We parents can always use some help from one another.

1.Tweens are experts. If you need advice, ask a tween because they know everything.

2. Tweens are called tweens because they are in between childood and the teen or young adult years.

3. Tweens heads are too large for children's eye glass frames, and too small for adult glasses. We need tween glasses! Frame manufacturers, this is a huge market to tap into.

4. Tweens are too old and too smart to wear children's babyish looking clothing. They are also too young and impressionable to wear a lot of the teen and young adult fashions. The boys are too short and not built for young men's clothing, and too tall and large for boys' clothing. The girls can fit the extra small and small jr. sizes sometimes, but look too grown up in them. What's a parent to do? Well, most of us just have our kids dressed in a hodge podge of jeans and tee shirts. We wince at names like "limited Too" and "Hurly" or "OP". Ouch! Those price tags hurt but the clothes fit tween bodies and most tween's self images.

5. Tweens are becoming opininated. They are at an age where they begin to question things. No more sugar coating things, it doesn't work anymore. Tweens want honest facts. It's best to sit your tween down and explain why a behavior or word is unacceptable in great detail. The tween brain craves facts, and the more mature the explanation is, the more likely it is that the tween brain will accept it. Be an honest parent to your tween.

6. Some tweens are becoming interested in the opposite sex. Some aren't. Be ready, though, the time is near. Some tweens will question their sexual identity. They are struggling to understand why some people are gay and how their families work. They ask questions about why people are or aren't married and why some people just "live together". If your tween attends a school, this will come up eventually. Even if you've talked about it before you should be prepared to talk about it again. Words like sex, divorce, homosexuality, rape, molest, pervert, etc. These are all terms we take for granted when we hear them on tv or in a conversation. But our tween's brain is carefully pondering these words and their meanings. This is a great time to talk about our values, but don't preach. Have a real and honest conversation.

7. Tweens need a routine. Tweens need rules to follow. Tweens need to feel loved and secure. We are not being mean when we enforce rules, dole out chores, or check homework. We are showing our tween that we love him, care about him, and that part of growing up is following the rules and contributing.

8. Tweens are not adults. Don't treat your tween like an adult just because you feel he is responsible and mature. Your tween is still a child and needs to play and laugh. Make sure that your tween has some free time to just do whatever he likes, even if it's just watching Sponge Bob. Resentment in the tween years can lead to a troubled teenager.

9. If you feel lost or need help coping with your tween child, talk to someone. Talk to a parent at your child's school, a teacher, or someone that you trust. Go online and talk about in on a mom or parenting forum. Resentment in parents can lead to a troubled and problematic teenager, too.

10. Remember to give your tween some positive praise and encouragement every day. Tweens seem to dwell on criticism, and we all need encouragement. Your tween needs to feel connected and a part of things. A little praise can help with self esteem. Talk to your tween every day before and after school. Don't grill him, just have a casual conversation. Talk about your day, too. Your tween will know that you care and will share some things with you about his school, friends, problems, etc. Keep the lines of communication open and life will be easier for both of you.